Monday, March 5, 2012

Going Forward

I'm going to be honest, I don't know what to post about today.

I'm sure you are all tired of reading about how sad I am, or how much I hate cancer, or anything else like that. This is an author blog after all. But I can't seem to think of what else to blog about that doesn't seem disrespectful in a way. My last two posts were about Josh and Megan, and then to just jump right back into normal posts, trying to be entertaining, somewhat funny, and also inspiring... I can't seem to do it yet.

So instead you get this rambling post. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in a very small way, this is a metaphor for life. How long do you allow yourself to mourn, to hold on to the pain, to be afraid to smile, to laugh, to experience joy in abundance? I know Josh would want us all to be happy. But the pain of his loss is still a hole that is there every time I turn around. My heart aches for Megan. But we all have to keep going forward. It will be easier for me than for her. I love Josh, but he was her everything. And yet, she is already such an example. She is already able to smile, to laugh, to joke. Not often, not exuberantly, but she can do it. She is amazing. At the luncheon after the funeral her belt kept coming undone, and she grinned at us and said, "Josh keeps trying to undress me. Oh, Josh." I love that girl and her indomitable spirit.

So, in line with my normal Monday posts, here is a quote that I just found:

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,
ambition inspired, and success achieved." - Helen Keller

9 comments:

Kelly said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been thinking about you these past few months. I really hope you & Megan will stay strong. My prayers are going out to your family.

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

You've just experienced a very sad, tragic event in your lives, one that will not be forgotten. I don't think anyone can really expect you to move forward all that easily from this. But we won't judge you for posting about other things either. It is a part of life, moving forward. The only other option is stuck. I applaud Megan's spirit. But I'd imagine there are still some tough times ahead for all of you. Hang in there, sweetie. You are strong and capable, and the right words will come to you when you need them.

Colene Murphy said...

Don't worry! No one expects you to go about like things are normal. That WOULDN'T be normal, honestly. You write what you want, it's your blog, it's your life. Will be praying for your family. :(

Emily Foley said...

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion." My uncle was shot and killed the day after Christmas when I was 14. My grandma's next-door neighbor was "cleaning" his gun and it went off, through the wall, and straight through his heart and lungs. That Christmas is still one of my favorites. Even though we were heart broken and horrified, we spent the following days playing games and reminiscing and laughing our hearts out. It's never too early to smile and laugh again, even if your heart is breaking. Your whole family is in my prayers.

Carolyn V said...

It's normal to struggle. My uncle died from cancer just last week. We had only known about it for two weeks. It happened way too fast. But as I look at his life, I am finding happiness, because he was such a good man.
I hope you feel better soon, but remember it's okay if it takes a while. ((hugs))

Caroline Starr Rose said...

We lost my father-in-law last October, and when we went to the funeral, I picked up a book on grieving my mother-in-law had been given. It was interesting to see that for a lot of people, six months into grieving is often when the reality of the loss settles in...long after many well-meaning family and friends would like the bereaved to "move on".

I walked away realizing how differently we all process things and how it's okay if my grief doesn't follow the same path as someone else's. It's just as important to respect and honor someone else's journey and give them the space and encouragement they need.

DL Hammons said...

Write about what you want to write about, when you want to write about it. Don't worry about what you think we want to read. Speaking for myself...I always want you to write from the heart. The content will figure itself out.

Feel better. :)

JRuud said...

I love this, even though it's awfully said. I'm sorry for the loss. I do know what it feels like. My step-father died from ALS last April, and it's so hard.

I love that quote though.

Great blog, and great quote. Take care.

PS: I live in Utah too!

Joseph Ramirez said...

That is a wonderful quote. And it's perfectly true. Thoughtful post... thank you.