Yep, that's a long title. But it's a pretty good fit for this last weekend's conference. So if you enjoy hearing about public humiliation, by all means, read on... read on... But hopefully you're not eating something right now. Because the theme for LDStorymakers this year was: "Don't make Sara laugh when she's eating or drinking." You shall soon understand why.
And hey, there's some pictures, too!
So the conference started off on Thursday with Boot Camp (which I didn't take part in this year) and a big dinner at the Provo library (which I did take part in, see above). So fun to see friends from near and far! That night I stayed with cute Jacqui and her sisters by BYU. Oh, the memories.... my old stomping grounds. Go Cougs! *ahem* Anyway...
So my first humiliation occurred here in this room, but not until later in the afternoon during the keynote address, so we'll get to that in a minute. First, do you know these awesome ladies? That's Kathryn Purdie and Kimberley Griffiths Little. We are all repped by Adams Lit (Katie and I are repped by Josh and Kimberley by Tracey). Adams Lit unite!
I had to sneak out at 11 and rush to get my kids from my sisters, and take SonB to the preschool for his Mother's Day Tea/performance. I got to watch him practice a little bit, which was good because when performance time came, he pretty much just did this. (See above) Yep, he just sat there. Except for after each song when I'd whisper, "SonB, come on buddy, just sing!" and he'd look at me and say, "I can't sing that loud!" Considering that the two kids next to him were yelling the songs, I guess I understand his reasoning.
Love this crazy, kooky boy of mine!
Then I hurried back down to Provo to catch the keynote address by Anne Perry. Hey look, it's Kimberley again! Not only are we agency sisters, we are editor sisters!
So, this keynote address was absolutely wonderful. I was listening in rapt attention. Not only is Anne's voice mellifluous and her accent incredibly soothing and I could listen to her for hours, her speech was very powerful and thought-provoking. I was doing just that--thinking, absorbing, contemplating what she had to say.... or so I thought. James Dashner found me afterward to tell me that he'd tried to catch my eye a few times to make fun of me for looking so bored! Whaaa??? I quickly asked my friends if I'd looked bored, and they all agreed! GAH! I was not
bored. Note to self: my contemplative face = boredom to others. Not sure what I can do about it, but in the future, if I look bored, assume that I am actually deep in thought.
This was also the scene for my humiliation part the second. They had snacks for us before the keynote, so I grabbed a brownie and some water. Before the speech started, I noticed my friend Jacqui had an apple. Where did she find an apple? I wanted an apple, too! So I went back out in search of my own apple. I came back with not only an apple, but another brownie and a cookie for Jacqui. Why all this detail? Well, because I obviously somehow found the Wicked Witch's basket of apples, because it almost killed me! After the keynote, they were doing a giveaway, and I was eating my apple (apparently looking bored) when a friend said something that made me laugh. Never do this to me. Because the next thing I knew, I could no longer breathe as I had somehow managed to inhale the piece of apple UP INTO MY NOSE. Much flailing, laughing and blushing ensued as I tried to dislodge the apple without making any horrid noises and without any success. It became apparent that a bathroom trip was in order. GUYS, I nearly pulled a Snow White in the middle of a major writing conference. And could it happen when I was in a small class with few witnesses? No, of course not. Let's do it at the keynote address with 450 witnesses. Nice.
So, moving along... Jacqui was tired. She was channeling Sleeping Beauty. Next time I want to pick the sleeping princess instead of the one who gets killed by an apple.
That night, there was a massive book signing. This is the cover for Jenn's book INSOMNIA that comes out next month. So creepy-cool right? But Jenn just might be standing on wet carpet, and she didn't know it. Yep, this is the scene of humiliating moment #3. It was just me, Katie and Jacqui sitting in some chairs talking. I innocently tried to drink some water, and just as I managed to get a huge mouthful, one of them said something funny. DIDN'T THEY GET THE MEMO?? NO MAKING ME LAUGH IF FOOD OR DRINK IS INVOLVED! Well, anyway, I didn't swallow the water, nor did I choke on it, and I began making many frantic gestures for them to stop being funny so I could stop laughing and swallow the dang water. But did they listen? No, of course not. Just when I thought it was safe to swallow Jacqui said, "Don't be funny, or she's going to choke!" Which, of course, made me choke. And realizing I was about to spew water everywhere (and there were authors signing books in the aforementioned EVERYWHERE, which do not mix well with water), I dropped to my hands and knees and kindly spit the water all over the floor instead of on their books. All of this happened in about two seconds. I had very little time to react, but my instincts were strong. SAVE THE BOOKS. You're welcome. And I hope you didn't see me. Yes, you, meaning anyone who was anywhere near me.
Pretty sure I'm still slightly red in the picture above, even though that was at least fifteen minutes later. I really rocked the "face-on-fire" look that day.
So the next day, I was so exhausted, I felt the way Jacqui looked in her Sleeping Beauty picture. But I hid it well... for a while. By the last few classes, I'm pretty sure my "bored face" had transitioned into... I don't even know what. The very last class of the day was in an amphitheater classroom. Jacqui was on one side of the room and Katie and her posse were on the other. But Jacqui was leaving early to go rock her pitch at Alyssa Henkin (woot, woot! Way to go girl!), so I decided to go sit by Katie et al. She was getting advice for her pitch, and one person told her to trip on her way in to make a great first impression. Apparently you also shouldn't give people bad advice in front of me. Because as I turned to walk away, I somehow didn't realize I'd climbed up two stairs. I stepped forward, expecting flat ground and nearly fell. I barely caught myself but then immediately did it again on the second (also unnoticed) stair and that time I rolled my ankle and literally fell on my face. I'm sure no one noticed. Except everyone in the room. I think I might have said, "someone just shoot me now." Seriously!
Well. That was long. And possibly only funny to myself. (Yes, I do laugh at myself... even when I'm embarrassed. And trust me, there was plenty of laughing and embarrassment to go around!)
So. Yep. It was a fun weekend, and hopefully next year, I will refrain from spitting, choking, looking bored, inhaling apples, or falling. But I can't make any promises.
Hey, if you're still around... I recently found some old pictures from middle school and high school. I thought about doing a post where I posted some of them, but I'm not so sure I can handle anymore embarrassment at this point. I'll tell you what. If I get at least ten yes's in the comments, then I'll do it. It's up to you guys! :-)