The only constant is change

SO -- first and foremost: I got my computer back and guess what?? IT WORKS AGAIN! I CAN BLOG!

BILL IS MY HERO!!! Everyone cheer for Bill for fixing my computer!!

Next, did you all see my amazing cover yet??

If not, let me give you another chance to drool:

Oh, I how I love this cover. It's so perfect for DEFY. I can't wait for you to all read it and find out why! 

And as far as that change I referenced in the title of this blog? Well... when my cover got revealed I also announced my pub date was Jan. 1 (yay New Year's Day!). At first all the websites had that as the release date, but then it changed on Amazon AND B&N (where DEFY is available for pre-order) to Jan. 7th. At first I was told nothing had officially changed, but I just got word that the release date has officially changed. So now you will be able to nab DEFY on my son's 5th birthday aka JANUARY 7th, 2014!!! 

Today is also your last chance to enter the contest on the YA Valentine's blog to win 2 amazing books, so hurry and enter if you haven't yet!

And in non-writing related news, I've never been more nervous before a race than I am right now for Ragnar Wasatch Back tomorrow through Saturday. It might have something to do with the fact that I got added to the team exactly a week ago, because they had someone drop out and they were desperate so I just couldn't say no. And it might have something to do with my knee still being jacked up, and having not trained at all. But I'm also SO excited. I've always wanted to do Ragnar and figured I'd never be able to now, with my lame knee. But I'm going to pop advil like it's candy, and I'm going to do it! And if I can't walk for a week, so be it. ;-) 

See you all on the flip side!

What do you do?

Life is all about change, right? As much as we might hate it, it's inevitable. Nothing stays the same forever.

So what do you do when the path you're on takes a sudden detour--and it's not exactly the one you want to be on?

As an example, let's take running. A couple of my friends were talking about running and races on Twitter today and so running is really on my brain right now. Anyone who has followed my blog for a while knows that I am (was?) a runner. I've run a few half marathons, and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, they are hard, but there's nothing quite like that high when you blast past the finish line and realize you really did it.

But the last one I did (when I PR'd by 28 minutes) really jacked up my knee. It's almost been a year, and I still can't run more than about 2-3 miles before it starts to hurt. I finally caved in and went to a sports medicine specialist a few months ago and found out I have arthritis in my knee and the more I run the faster it'll progress. I just turned 30 and I have arthritis. THAT SUCKS. Talk about a course change. He gave me some exercises to do to see if it helps, but he told me, "you might want to think about taking up biking or swimming."

It was devastating news. I'm not a natural runner. Yes, I have long legs, but they don't seem to want to take me places very fast. I've had to work REALLY HARD to get my speed up and break that two hour mark for my last half. I was thinking I'd finally attempt a marathon after that race, and then this happened. Sudden detour, much?

Running was more than just about beating a clock, or doing races, though. It was an escape. It was an accomplishment. There's something powerful about pushing your body through the pain and desire to quit and finish 13.1 miles running strong. I can only imagine what 26.2 would be like now, since he told me there's no way I should ever do a marathon unless I want to have (another)
knee surgery. It's been a rough adjustment not being able to get out there and pound out the miles. To not get that runner's high once in a while that keeps you lacing up and heading out, even in the snow or rain or cold or heat. I still worked out, but it's not the same.

So what now? When you get thrown a curve ball, what do you do?

I've heard the saying that when God closes a door, he opens a window. I'm still waiting for my window. Maybe once we can buy me a road bike and I can start putting in the (non-impact) miles, I'll find it. Maybe if I pull out my old swim team suit and goggles and get back in the pool, I'll find it. I don't think God just sets those windows right in front of us, so that we can find them while we're stuck moping on our behinds. Do you? Or maybe I'll adjust to only running short distances and find joy in that. Whatever it might be, I'm not going to give up.

My path to getting published was full of unwanted detours. Years to get an agent, years with the wrong agent (who was wonderful, but just not the right fit for me), nine more months to get another agent... it was rough. It was full of potholes and re-calculations and adjustments. But I kept going, I kept altering my course and trying, and wow. I am SO SO happy now. That window I found? It's been absolutely a dream come true. But it took seven years to get here. SEVEN YEARS. Oy.

So what detours have you been forced into taking in your life? Were you able to find joy and happiness, even if the path wasn't what you thought you originally wanted to be on?

Return of the Friday Four or Five

So, it's been a while since I've done this, but it used to be a regular feature on my blog. I figured I'd try to be better at doing it again. Here's what's on my mind today...

1. My third half marathon is tomorrow morning and I am really nervous. You'd think I'd be getting progressively less nervous for each race, rather than having it get worse. Well, you'd be wrong. I could barely sleep last night (which doesn't bode well for tonight, when I know my alarm is going to be going off at 3:30 am). Then Baby Girl decided to wake up at 6:30am. I'm tired, my stomach is all icky with nerves, and the race isn't even until tomorrow. Heh.

Me and my cute sister Lauren who I'm running the race with. She's a Speedy McSpeedster, so that might be a big part of why I'm so nervous... 

2. I went to Kiersten White's signing for ENDLESSLY at The King's English last night after our packet pick up. I can't believe her trilogy is done! So happy for her and excited to find out how Evie's story ends!

Me (looking like a giant, even though I wore flat shoes) and the hysterical and cute Kiersten White. 

Me (crouching down so I don't look like a giant again) and the wonderfully talented and super darling Natalie Whipple. Her book comes out in May and trust me, you want to put TRANSPARENT on your TBR list asap. It's SO SO good. 

Me, my cute sister, and Stacey from My Pile of Books (and my sweet friend)

3. I finally got a chance to read THE GIRL OF FIRE AND THORNS by Rae Carson. I'd heard so many good things about this book and it definitely lived up to the hype. I can't wait for the sequel to come out in September!

4. Thank you all for your amazing response to my last post. Your comments, tweets, rt's, FB messages, and emails meant more to me than I can express. It's so wonderful to know that we're not alone and that so many of us share the same emotions and struggles--and hopefully triumphs someday, too. So, again, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

5. Did I mention I'm nervous for tomorrow? And that I'm already exhausted? Heh, heh. Not good. Wish me luck.... pretty sure I'm going to need it.

So, tell me, what's on your mind today?

Friday Musings

Whoa. What the haystack happened to blogger? I'm somewhat bewildered right now. I go to write a blog post and the whole thing is different.

Anyway, so I guess I'm still doing the race tomorrow. Regardless of my lack of training because of everything that has happened in the last couple of months and my achilles tendon bugging me, I will be there bright and early, and I will finish. I might just be REALLY slow, heh.

But that brings me to what I've been thinking about a lot this week. The day before my last race (my first half-marathon ever) was Josh's birthday. It was the first time he'd been admitted to the hospital with complications with his chemo. It was the first time those horrible fevers showed up--and then never went away. We took Baby Girl with us and headed up to the hospital to visit him, to take him a little present and some ice cream for his birthday. I dedicated that last race to him, believing 100% that he would be running the Halloween Half with us next time.

I still can't believe he's really gone.

He got me through that last race. I'd never gone that far in my life, and it was a really rough run for some reason. I started to lose energy at mile 5, which was crazy. My 11 mile run two weeks before was cake in comparison (only the last mile was hard). But the thought of him fighting cancer, of how I'd dedicated my race to him is what got me through it. I had tears in my eyes for the last three miles and I had this burst of energy every time I thought about him and that's how I finished strong.

I think every race I ever run will remind me of him, since he got me through my first. The pain of his loss is still fresh, and tomorrow will be an emotional day for me I think. But maybe this time he will be running it with me, just not in the way I'd hoped.

I love you and miss you Josh. We all do. 

Writing is like exercise

Yep, I've decided that writing is like exercise. But I love writing and I hate exercising, you say? Well, hold on, and let me explain.

So, when you are on pinterest, or see that magazine at the store, or your neighbor who just completed his/her tenth triathlon and you think, "wow, I wish I looked like that." We'll call that "inspiration." (This is correlated to getting an "idea for a book.")

There are a LOT of people who decide they want to "get in shape." A majority never take it past that--a decision or longing that never results in action. Some will go buy a couple of outfits, maybe a workout video, some hand weights, maybe even join a gym! We'll call this "baby steps." (This is correlated with writing a couple of notes, maybe even a few chapters, maybe even signing up for a writer's conference.)

But most of those people will go to the gym a few times and loose motivation. Or they'll do their videos once a week. Enough to appease their desire without really accomplishing anything substantial. This is the "dabbling stage." (You see where I'm going with this yet?)

BUT... there are those few people who are really, truly determined to make a change. To pursue their dream--muscles, skinnyliciousness, or writing and publishing a book. Those people put in the time, the effort, they push through exhaustion, sickness, stress, lack of time, boredom--you name it. And they start seeing results. Some are faster than others, and some take different routes. There are runners, weight lifters, triathletes, swimmers, yoga enthusiasts, etc. And of course there are the side decisions you have to make as well, to make the exercise more effective--eating healthy, getting enough sleep, etc. (Obviously, this is a comparison to not only sitting down and making yourself write--no matter what--it's also about revising, editing, finding CPs, a crit group, actually going to conferences and participating, etc.)

And guess what? What was hard at first, becomes easier. That class at the gym that kicked your butt becomes *gasp* kind of fun. Because you can hang with the teacher without feeling like you're going to pass out or have an aneurysm afterwards anymore. You start to think, "I can do this! I kind of rock!" And you can. And you do.

BUT.

Yep, there's a but.

Sometimes, it's still hard. This is how I thought of this post. Yesterday, I was trying to work on my new idea, the one that has been flowing for days. And then, all of a sudden, yesterday I hit a wall. I was stuck. I stared at that screen and couldn't figure out what to do next. I thought about closing my laptop, doing something else. But I knew that was a surefire way to NOT fix the problem, to never finish the book. So I made myself keep writing. It was slow, it was painful, but I kept going. (See the exercise correlation again? Even if you are in good shape, there are days when it is just HARD to exercise. Like when I went for a 4 mile run with my mama yesterday, pushing Baby Girl in the jogging stroller. For some reason, running yesterday was super hard.) I forced out a page or two, and then my time was up until later that night. I thought about the problems I was facing all afternoon as I took care of the kids, made dinner, all the other stuff.

And then an idea hit me, a way to fix the problem. I went back a few chapters, added some scenes, and then changed the stuff that happened after to match. And suddenly it was flowing again, even faster than before. I had what I like to call a "writer's high." Those times when you are just bursting with happiness and excitement as you type as fast as your fingers will go. I've only had a runner's high two, maybe three times. But one in particular stands out--it was the longest run I'd ever done up to that point (10 miles) and the first few were so hard I almost didn't keep going. But then, I hit mile 8 and I suddenly had this burst of energy. I wanted to sprint, I felt that good. I grinned from ear to ear as I ran. Then I hit mile 9.5 and the high went bye-bye and I had to really push myself to finish the last mile.

But the point is this: there are going to be hard times. In fact, more often than not, it's going to be hard to exercise OR write/try to get published. But if you do it, if you put the time in and keep going, you will see results. And you might even get to experience those elusive highs every once in a while that make all the lows worth it.

Tell the Truth Tuesday

Here are some of my truths today:

1- I'm scared of the dark. I hate having to get up at night and do anything because I always think there's someone hiding in the shadows, waiting to get me.

2- Nightmares stink. Unless they spur an idea for a book. Unfortunately, the nightmare I had last night didn't spur an idea for a book, it was just plain awful. Basically there were two gigantic snakes, and one of them ended up attacking my mom and trying to kill her. Yeah, not a good idea for a book.

3- I totally failed at NaNo this year. I kind of knew I shouldn't sign up, because there was just too much going on to dedicate myself to it, but I did anyway. And now I'm a failure. Bummer.

3- On the bright side, I did manage to run my Thanksgiving Day Human Race and get my Thanksgiving dinner on the table last week (I hosted my whole family). My 6-yr-old ended up running it with us (and my husband had to push the other two kids in the stroller because our babysitter bugged out on us at the last minute). But he did great! He actually would have placed 11th in his age division if we'd had a bib for him. I was a proud Mama.

4- Baby weight stinks to get rid of, not to mention what it does to the skin on your belly. In a totally unrelated thought, does anyone else think that Mariah Carey had a tummy tuck? Because I saw the picture of her saying, "look at how skinny I am now after twins" or something like that on the cover of People, and her belly button didn't look too natural anymore. I'm just sayin'...

5- When SHH is out of town for work, I have a hard time wanting to make "real" meals for dinner. Or breakfast. Or any meal for that matter. It's just so much work when I only seem to have a 50/50 chance that my kids will actually eat more than 3 bites. (Their appetites come and go faster than a Black Friday deal at Wal Mart.) But I'm actually making a full on meal today--the best chicken pot pie recipe ever, jello salad, dessert, the whole works. My truth is that it's not really for my family, it's for a neighbor. I'm just doubling the recipe for our dinner, because it would be really lame to make it for someone else and not get to eat it myself.

What are your truths today? Lay 'em on me -- success, failure, whatever it may be.

Friday Four or Five

1. We are NOT enjoying the cold weather over here. To go from 85 degrees to 35 and snowing in two days? Not cool Mother Nature. Well, actually it is literally cool--or cold, rather--but I think you know what I mean.

2. We are (almost) all sick now. SonB got croup first, and a week later (and many desperate attempts to keep Baby Girl away from him) she and I are both sick, too. All of my kids have had croup before, but never as young as her. It's a little nerve-wracking.

3. I'm supposed to be going on a long run tomorrow (8-9 miles) in preparation for my race in three weeks. That should be an adventure. Maybe the cold air and exercise will help me feel better...? Hey, just trying to think positive.

4. Speaking of the race, I got my costume for it (it's a Halloween Half, and most runners dress up) and I'm really excited about it! Now I just have to convince my sister to dress up too. I think everyone else we're running with us is planning on it. Maybe I'll even post a picture of us all dressed up. But only if I get one pre-race. I don't sweat pretty.

5. Random fact: I hate being scared. I don't do scary movies, or horror stories. I'm already scared of the dark as it is.

How about you? Do you like being scared or not? Any fun Halloween parties (or races) you're going to? Hope you all have a good weekend!

Looking for joy along the path

I don't know about you, but there are times when I'm so focused on my goals (aka the "end results"), that I lose sight of the joy in where I'm at right now. I've made a conscious effort to find more happiness in the journey in the last few months, and it has made a big difference. I don't beat myself up as much for not getting everything done as fast as possible. I take more time to breath, to see, to listen, to feel.

As I was running with my mom and sister last weekend (6 miles, woot woot!), we came upon this beautiful sight. It was a perfect moment--a nice cool breeze, we were all feeling really good, the sun was just coming up... it was lovely. I dare say it was the best run I've ever had to this point.

Isn't the fog weaving through the river bottoms just beautiful? We thought so, too.

But not all runs are this wonderful. My sister and I ran on the same path last night and nearly every step was a struggle. She had a blister that was bleeding, I was exhausted, but we pushed through and did our 4 miles. And we were still able to find the joy in the run, even if it was harder than the previous time.

Life is like that - sometimes it's easy to see the beauty and joy in our path, other times it takes a lot more effort. With running, with trying to get published, with being a mom, with all aspects of my life, this is true.

How about you, do you find it easy or hard to find joy in your journey?

And... DONE!

Whoa. It's been an intense couple of weeks. SHH started traveling for work again (rather suddenly), so I had to start flying solo with all three kids day and night before I knew it. I had this major revision I needed to get done for my agent, I had to try and figure out how to go running without SHH there to help with the kids (his mom came over and watched them so I could go once), and yeah. Just busy, busy, busy.

I didn't get much sleep, but I did get my revision done last Thursday. YAY! That was such a big relief and weight off my chest. Of course, now I'm sick, so I may be wearing myself out a little bit, but oh well. What can you do?

That's the thing, when you want something bad enough, you make sacrifices. You endure, and fight, and keep going. Whether it be running a hard race, writing your book (or revising it as the case may be), or any other goal you have. Life doesn't get any easier, nor does time just magically appear so you can "finally get around" to that thing you've been wanting to do. For me right now, I'm trying to keep balance in my life. I am cherishing my baby girl and my boys as much as possible, because I don't want to have any regrets when they get older. So that means sacrificing sleep to pursue my goals - staying up late to write and getting up early to run (when SHH is here anyway). Normally I would keep working on a new book or some other writing project after finishing one project, but this time, I think I might take a break for a week and enjoy an extra couple hours of sleep--or time cuddling Baby Girl. :)

How about you, what do you sacrifice to meet your goals? What have you been doing these last couple of weeks?

Random: it's the best I can do right now

Random thoughts for your general amusement and entertainment, courtesy of being stuck laying on my left side almost 24/7 for days and days and days...

When you can't do anything except lay there, you'd think you wouldn't get as hungry anymore or as often as when you were very active. You'd be wrong.

Also, you have a lot of time to contemplate what exactly you are craving and how badly you want (need) it right then. With no way of accomplishing the goal of getting it. Unless a very nice someone (generally SHH) acquiesces and gets it for you.

I can't wait to meet my baby girl!!

Running out of books that you haven't read yet when you can't go to the store or library for more = bad.

Did you know you can spend hours contemplating the merits and downfalls (literally) of taking a shower? "I'd really like to take a shower, but if I do, I might pass out. That would be bad. Not to mention embarrassing, who wants to be found drenched and naked, unconscious in their shower? But on the bright side, I haven't passed out yet, so I'd probably be okay. And then I'd be clean. Which is nice." I have scintillating conversations like these with myself all the time these days. It's what happens when you have no one else to talk to the majority of the time.

I keep daydreaming about being able to use my new double jogging stroller. Of course, by the time I can use it, it'll probably FINALLY be super hot. Hence making it miserable to try and go for walks or runs. But dream of it I still do. Going from working out an hour a day most days, and running crazy taking care of my kids, family, work, etc. to being completely sedentary 24/7 is not the easiest thing for me.

The angle of your open blinds really makes a difference on how hot your bedroom gets throughout the day. Also, it is not a good idea to open your window for fresh air when there is no screen on it, and your window is level with the ground. Glancing up to see a ginormous red spider running across the wall towards you does not equate with me continuing to lay on my side.

I can't wait to meet my baby girl!!

Yep, these and other exciting thoughts brought to you by The Days of Sara's Bedrest. Stay tuned for another gripping episode... whenever she decides she's bored enough to write another post like this. Unless the series gets cancelled (aka she has her baby), in which case we can all rejoice.

Running and Writing and Query Contests...

Wow, you didn't realize what you were getting into when you asked me to tell you my path to getting an agent, did you? At least there was a super cool contest at the end of it all! Wait, you didn't know about it yet?? At the end of my last post, there are details on how you could win a query critique, so go check it out and enter. (Contest is open for submissions until Friday at 12:00 pm MST, so 2:00 pm EST.)

Did you all have a nice weekend? I hope so. My little guy got his glasses last week (he's 19 months old, but he has strabismus and so this is the first step in treating it--we're hoping he won't need surgery as well, but we'll see). He looks adorable in them if I do say so myself. He wouldn't keep them on AT ALL for the first two days, so I was seriously stressing. (Also adding to the stress was the two, yes TWO, books I was doing revisions on for my agent.) I called the doctor, and they said it might take months before he'll wear them all day like he's supposed to. Fabulous, right?

Well, the next day, he wore them for a couple of hours without taking them off. Then yesterday, he kept them on for almost 6 hours - I finally took them off because he had to take a nap. Victory!

So, what did I accomplish this weekend? One book revised and sent back to agent, second book caught up to the notes I have so far from her, kitchen cleaned, bedroom cleaned (thanks hubby!), SonB wearing glasses almost all day already (woot!)...

and then I went and decided to sign up and train for a 10k in October with my mom. WHAAAA? Am I insane? Considering I have this love/hate relationship with running (in that I hate running and love it when it's over), this could be interesting. Working out at the gym? I'm all over it. But I have always wanted to be a runner, so I'm just going to force myself to do it. Okay, I don't actually HATE running, I would love it, if it didn't hurt so bad. But I'm doing this. One step at a time, one mile at a time. Pushing myself through side cramps, and bad knees, and bad weather, and anything that comes in my way. I. Can. Do. This.

Kind of like writing, isn't it?