Grateful

It's a beautiful (albeit smoggy) day here in SLC, UT. The sun is out, it's hovering around fifty degrees. Soon, I will be gorging on tons of delicious food.

But the real beauty of this day is the chance to reflect on the blessings in my life.

I'm not going to lie, this life is hard. It's full of trials. At least, my life has been. It's had its ups and its downs. Some of the downs have been very, very low. But if I try to look for the good, I can always find it in abundance.

Many of you have been reading this blog for years, following me through all sorts of trials and triumphs. There has been joy, there has been grief and pain. There have been tears of happiness and tears of sorrow.

In just over a month, a lifelong dream of mine will be coming true. I will be a published author with Scholastic. I remember as a little girl, reading The Babysitters Club and wishing I could be Stacey. I thought if I had diabetes and was from NYC, then people would like me. I signed all of my i's with a heart like her. I even pretended I had diabetes at school once in second grade, hoping it would win me more friends. (That was an #epicfail, btw.)  Harry Potter is my favorite series of all time. And The Hunger Games is in a league of its own. Scholastic book fairs...I LOVED getting those flyers at school growing up. When I had sleepovers with my FarMor (my Swedish Grandma), she would take me to the mall to get something, and I always had her buy me books. Reading and writing have been a part of me my entire life.

And now, in just over a month, my book will be on a shelf with that same logo on the spine.

It is unbelievable. As I sit here writing this, I'm trying not to cry, and failing. (Unfortunately, I'm in a public place, too.)

Having a dream come true is an interesting thing. It's beautiful and amazing, but it's also hard in surprising ways. I've poured my heart and soul into this book, I've done everything I could to make it the best it could be. Am I perfect? No. Is my writing flawless? Of course not. But I tried my best, and I love these characters with my whole heart. I hope that many of you will, too. I know not everyone will and that's hard. It's hard to hear when people don't understand Alexa or Damian or Rylan the way I do. But that's also the beauty of writing a story and giving it to the world. It is no longer my story. Once you pick up that book, it becomes yours. You will meet these characters and experience their stories on your terms. My hope is that for some of you, you will lose yourself in Alexa's story, in her failures and triumphs. In her weaknesses and her strengths. This is a story of overcoming loss, of continuing on no matter what. It is a story of finding love amidst pain and fear, and it is a story of discovering true strength and the courage to overcome all obstacles on the path to the hope of a better future.

DEFY is preparing to spread its wings and take flight into the world. And that is both thrilling and terrifying. It is happiness and dreams-can-come-true and this-is-really-happening.

Not all of our dreams come true, this I know. God has blessed me with much in my life, but some of it has come at a great cost, and some blessings have not come at all, as much as I wish they had.  But I do know that God loves me, and I know that all of the blessings in my life are from Him. I have an amazing husband. I have three beautiful, healthy children. There was a time when I thought I would never have children, and then a time when we had to face the reality that we might only have one. We have an angel in heaven, watching over us. And miraculously, I have two more gorgeous children, even though getting them here were some of the scariest trials I've endured. I want more babies, I wish I could have more. There may yet be another miracle or two in store for me, but I hardly even dare hope or pray for that. I don't want to be greedy and risk leaving my family without a Mommy. But as I sit here, thinking over my life so far I realize just how incredibly blessed I truly am.

I hope that all of you are with those you love today, whether you celebrate Thanksgiving or not. I hope you take the time every day to look for the good, because all of us are blessed in unique ways. Some blessings may only come after we do all that we can--as was the case with my dream of getting published. I struggled and worked for years and years to get here, but because I never gave up, I eventually had that dream come true.

And I am so grateful that I never gave up and never quit.

I am grateful for so much.

I am blessed.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Tell the Truth Tuesday

Here are some of my truths today:

1- I'm scared of the dark. I hate having to get up at night and do anything because I always think there's someone hiding in the shadows, waiting to get me.

2- Nightmares stink. Unless they spur an idea for a book. Unfortunately, the nightmare I had last night didn't spur an idea for a book, it was just plain awful. Basically there were two gigantic snakes, and one of them ended up attacking my mom and trying to kill her. Yeah, not a good idea for a book.

3- I totally failed at NaNo this year. I kind of knew I shouldn't sign up, because there was just too much going on to dedicate myself to it, but I did anyway. And now I'm a failure. Bummer.

3- On the bright side, I did manage to run my Thanksgiving Day Human Race and get my Thanksgiving dinner on the table last week (I hosted my whole family). My 6-yr-old ended up running it with us (and my husband had to push the other two kids in the stroller because our babysitter bugged out on us at the last minute). But he did great! He actually would have placed 11th in his age division if we'd had a bib for him. I was a proud Mama.

4- Baby weight stinks to get rid of, not to mention what it does to the skin on your belly. In a totally unrelated thought, does anyone else think that Mariah Carey had a tummy tuck? Because I saw the picture of her saying, "look at how skinny I am now after twins" or something like that on the cover of People, and her belly button didn't look too natural anymore. I'm just sayin'...

5- When SHH is out of town for work, I have a hard time wanting to make "real" meals for dinner. Or breakfast. Or any meal for that matter. It's just so much work when I only seem to have a 50/50 chance that my kids will actually eat more than 3 bites. (Their appetites come and go faster than a Black Friday deal at Wal Mart.) But I'm actually making a full on meal today--the best chicken pot pie recipe ever, jello salad, dessert, the whole works. My truth is that it's not really for my family, it's for a neighbor. I'm just doubling the recipe for our dinner, because it would be really lame to make it for someone else and not get to eat it myself.

What are your truths today? Lay 'em on me -- success, failure, whatever it may be.

Gratitude

Today I wanted to focus on a few things I am thankful for, considering that Thanksgiving is this week. So often it seems like all we can see or think about is what we don't have--what we haven't achieved yet. Or at least there are times when I find myself doing this. But really, I am very blessed and have SO much to be grateful for. This is only a short list of some of those things.

I am thankful for my love of writing. I'm grateful for the ability I have to do something I love so much. It can lift me when I'm down, or let me escape when I need a break. It takes me to places I've never been, and to meet people who are so very, very interesting. I love to write!

I am grateful for my incredible agent, Hannah. She is so supportive and believes in me 110%. She encourages me, helps me, guides me, and so much more. I couldn't have asked for a better agent and friend.

I am thankful for the amazing online writing community. I am constantly amazed at how kind and generous and amazing you all are. I've met some truly incredible friends through blogs and twitter and other places. Seriously, you guys blow my mind. Thank you for everything. Wow.

I am grateful for my friends--those who I've known for years and years, who have supported and believed in me no matter what, through everything. And for friends I've met more recently who have kept me going when I doubted, or kept me strong when I was weak, or who make me laugh whether I'm happy or sad. All of you who cheer for me and make me feel like I am special and important in someone else's life. Thank you. I hope you feel as though I return the sentiment and favors, at least in part.

I am thankful for amazing family: for parents who taught me to go for my dreams and gave me wings. For a mom who is one of my best friends. For my sisters who cheer , and read my books, and give me advice and love, and who are also some of my dearest friends. I may be the oldest, but I learn from all of you. For my aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents--all who believe (or believed when they were alive) and share their love and friendship. I am truly blessed.

And most of all--I am grateful for my husband, who is unwavering in his faith in me. His support and belief has lifted me when I was sinking. He mends my wings when they are failing, he gives me the strength to always move forward. And my two boys... they are my reward for everything. I couldn't have asked for two cuter, sillier, smarter little guys who love me so much. And since I am a person of faith, I hope no one will be offended by this, but I must express my gratitude to my Savior. I am nothing -- and can aspire to be nothing -- without Him.

There is so much more I could list, but I will let that suffice for now, especially since this already sounds like an epically long acceptance speech or something. (No, I haven't won any awards or anything. I just am feeling very grateful right now.)

I am going to take a small break for the rest of the week to enjoy the holiday and catch up on some other projects and work. I hope all of my friends in the U.S. have a wonderful Thanksgiving. And everyone else, I hope you have a great end of November. ;)

Now it's your turn! What are you thankful for this week?