THE post!

I've been staring at this blank screen for ... well, a while now. There are so many things I could say today--things I want to say. But I honestly don't know how to put into words what I'm feeling right now. Ironic, considering that words are what I use for a living.

I've already said much of what has lead me to this point before in THIS post, or THIS one, or even THIS SERIES of posts, way back in the distant past detailing my path to getting my first agent. (That link is the first post, I think I did it in 5 parts or something crazy like that. Also, I probably sound incredibly naive in those posts, so don't judge too harshly!)


It's been a long, long road.



BUT.


SOMETHING BIG HAPPENED.

Since I'm struggling to figure out what to write, instead of words, I'll use images. Today, this post is about something that makes me feel like this:




 And this:




And now, finally, I get to share this from Publisher's Weekly:

Lisa Sandell at Scholastic Press has bought Sara B. Larson's Defy, a debut YA adventure romance pitched as in the vein of Kristin Cashore and Leigh Bardugo. In the novel, the fiercest member of a prince's elite guard is actually a girl disguised as a boy, who gets embroiled in a deadly game of thrones while keeping her secret, and realizes she has far deeper feelings for the prince than she thought. The book will pub in spring 2014; Josh Adams at Adams Literary brokered the deal for North American rights.

I've been dying to share this news for a while and now I finally get to! AAAGGGHH!!!! ALL THE HAPPINESS!!!

When I got the call from Josh, he asked me how I was doing and then said, "Well, you're going to be published!"

I thought I'd do this:



And this:



Which I totally did... eventually. But when he said that to me, before I even knew who or what, I think I said, "I am?" and then did this:



And then when I found out who and what I did this:


(Except, they were ECSTATIC tears... But the ice cream is really appropriate because my hubby brought home ice cream to celebrate!)

Tears of joy, tears of relief... I'm sure Josh thought I was crazy.


But after my tears dried, there definitely was a lot of this:




Wow, that's a whole lot of emotion, right??

Guys, I am so so thrilled to be working with Lisa and to have my book published by Scholastic! It's an absolute dream come true!! And I can't wait to share DEFY with you! (This is the book I wrote last August, that used to be called Daughter of War--I'm pretty sure I talked about it in one of those posts I linked above.) I still can't quite believe it's going to be a real book, on a shelf, in my hands--possibly in your hands--in about a year! SQUEEE!!!! *happy dance* *all the tears of joy in the world*

 See? Here's me and my ice cream (after the happy tears had dried up), after I got my offer, with a nice little placement of a decoration beside me. In case you can't read it, it says "BELIEVE."

And here I am just last week, signing my contract!

I will do a post soon about all of the celebrations that have taken place over the last couple of months, including the amazing gift my sweet hubby gave me (other than ice cream). And I'll probably talk a lot about not giving up, and and inspirational shtuff like that. Because, let's face it, this is me we're talking about.

But for now, all I have to say is:



WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beauty in all things - joy and hardship

Yep, prepare yourself: it's time for a philosophical post as I look back at the last year.

 

It has been quite the year, both personally and professionally. It's had some ups, and boy has it had some downs. We lost Josh to cancer, my sweet little dog was killed by a deer, I decided to part ways with my agent, I spent months writing, revising, and querying, I completed 2 half-marathons--meeting my goal of finishing in under two hours--but hurt my knee so I had to stop running for months. I got rejections. LOTS of rejections. And more.

 

I've been low, very, very low. There have been a lot of dark days in 2012.  

 

But I've also had some amazing highs--there is so much beauty in my life. Out of pain and sorrow can come the sweetest joy. They say that you can only experience happiness in relation to how much sorrow you've experienced. In other words, the more bitter your trials, pain, and sorrow, the more sweet your joy and happiness when blessings flow in.

 

I have three amazing children, when there was a long, dark period of my life when I thought we would never be able to have more children. I was able to put on my "dream" butterfly-themed 1st birthday party for my baby girl--the baby girl I wasn't sure I'd ever have. I have an amazing, supportive husband who ALWAYS believed, even when I was at rock-bottom--and who loves me no matter what. I have family and friends who are there for me, supporting and loving me, every step of the way. I could go on and on.

 

And as far as my writing goes, I never gave up, and eventually... The sun finally broke through the clouds. I've had the same quote at the top of my blog since I began it years ago.

 

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt

 

I have clung to that hope, to those dreams, to that elusive future for SO long.

 

Just last week, I was driving home from taking SonB to preschool, and as I turned into my neighborhood, I saw this spectacular scene and had to stop to take a picture. It had been a dark, gloomy start to the day, fog obscured the sun all morning. But by afternoon, the light began to break through as the fog dissipated. And this glorious view was mine to enjoy for a brief moment as I drove home. It was pure luck, and perfect timing, that I happened to see this. Within a minute or less after stopping, the fog and clouds had moved, and even though it was still pretty, it wasn't stunning like this one moment had been when you could see the sun's rays shining down. For just that brief minute, the fog and the sun lined up perfectly to create this moment of breathtaking beauty.

Life is a lot like that. When you look for the beauty, you'll find it. Even if it's just one brief, glorious moment--a result of a little bit of luck, and maybe even some perfect timing.

For a year full of ups and downs, it is definitely ending on a major upswing. I feel like right now is one of those moments when the sun's rays are bursting through and a bright, new future is finally in reach.

The future has never looked brighter, and I can't wait to share all the good things in store with all of you--my loyal friends, family, and followers!

I hope that as you look back on this year, you can also see the beauty despite any pain or sorrow or struggles you may have endured. And I hope that you never stop believing in the beauty of your dreams!

Good News... and even greater news!!

So... first, the good news. A recap of my race:

Here we are, sitting in a "heated tent" (it didn't feel heated for at least an hour after we got there), waiting for over three hours for our race to start. Some of us (and I think it's pretty easy to see who, although one is doing a good job of pretending) are wondering "how did I get dragged into this? And why did I pay money to get up at 4 am to get bussed up a canyon and freeze for hours before running 13.1 miles??"

They started the race in two waves, and we went with the second. The first few miles were awesome, I barely even felt like I was running. The canyon was gorgeous, it was just wonderful. Except that my sister and mom got lost behind my aunt and me somewhere. Then at mile 4 my aunt started slowing up a bit, but waved for me to keep my pace. I decided to keep going since we'd already lost my mom and sister miles before this point.

Then I hit mile 6 and oh. my. heck. (Yes, I'm from Utah.) I started having crazy pain in the weirdest places. The backs of my ankles and lower calves, my hip flexors--just random, strange places where I'd never had pain before. Ever. I'd never hurt so bad running before, and I have no idea why it happened to me on race day. My 10 mile run the week before had felt great, so I was not expecting this run to be so hard. At least, not at mile 6.


Here I am, pausing for a quick picture by stunning Bridal Veil Falls, more than half way through the race.

By mile 7 and 8 I was running out steam already. WHAT THE...?? This was NOT supposed to happen. I'd trained, I'd felt great on all of my long runs, I couldn't figure out what was going on. I kept going, forcing myself to keep running even though I was so tempted to walk. Especially when more and more people around me began walking instead of running. At mile 9 I texted my husband and told him I was completely out of energy. Somehow I kept going, thinking "I can do hard things" and finding good songs on my playlist to keep me motivated.

Then I hit mile 11. I was dying. The pain was horrible, my legs felt like someone had beat me with a sledgehammer, and I was beyond exhausted. I'd never had this hard of a time on a run, ever. Did I mention that already? Well, it's true. I thought to myself: I can either give up and switch off walking and running the rest of the way and at least I'll finish; or I can somehow find the energy to push through this and keep running. I wanted so badly to run the whole way. Then it hit me.

I dedicated this race to Josh and Megan, and was I going to give up now, when I was this close?

I'd gone and visited him the night before my race at the cancer institute to celebrate his 24th birthday. I thought of him up there, fighting cancer, strong and brave and so positive, and I told myself, "if he can fight this cancer, I can run this race!" And suddenly, I could. I had tears in my eyes, but I was able to push through and found reserves of energy I didn't know I had. For the last 2.1 miles whenever the exhaustion and pain crept back in, I thought of Josh, and I told myself, "he's going to beat this cancer, and I'm going to run this race!"

And I did.



This is such a goofy picture of me, but it shows the energy I somehow found for the end of the race. The finish was just ahead, and I caught sight of my beautiful little family cheering for me, and I was cheering back and waving. SonA came running to me, grabbed my hand, and ran the rest of the way to the finish with me.

It was amazing, and such an incredibly touching experience. Josh, somehow you got me through this race. Your courage and strength inspired me, and pushed me on. I ran for you.





After the finish with my awesome new medal. I finished in 2:27:37, averaging an 11:17 mile. I know that's not too impressive to all my running friends (I'm looking at you Ally-Miss-7:30-minute-mile! Dang, girl!), but for me, I was so happy with this time for my first race, 4 months and one day after having my baby girl. I've only been running for a year and three months, and nine of the months I was pregnant. ;)

Afterwards, with all of us (my bro-in-law rode up with us and ran it, too, but he's speedy and went in the first group). Only after the race did my Aunt tell us she'd also run the race for Josh. You may notice her shoes are off, and if you look closely, her socks are soaked in blood. She had to run with her shoes off the last mile, with every toe bleeding to finish the race. Later, she and my parents went up to Huntsmans where she gave Josh her medal, and told him next year, he's running it with us. It was a very emotional and amazing day.

And here's the even greater news:

(Friday night at Huntsmans with Josh and Megan, celebrating his birthday.)

On Friday, Josh was supposed to do another round of chemo. Instead, he spiked yet another fever, and the doctor's decided they needed to do another PET scan and bone marrow biopsy. They believed his cancer was progressing even faster than they thought and that's what was causing the fevers. In a complete miracle, Josh found out on Saturday, after we ran our race, that instead of progressing, his cancer is getting the *&$% beat out of it!! ALL of his tumors are gone. COMPLETELY GONE. He still has some cancer cells, but they believe after he finishes his chemo treatments, and does his bone marrow transplant, that the cancer will be completely eradicated.

Miracles happen. We are witnessing one right now. I know all of the prayers and faith of those surrounding him and Megan are being answered.

Remember my last post? How I said, "we can do hard things"? Well, we did.