In need of a miracle

Last night we all went to dinner with Megan to celebrate her birthday (it's this weekend).

Here is my cute cousin holding Baby Girl last night. That grin on Megan's face is hiding an enormous amount of heartache and fear.

We just got the news that the HLH is attacking Josh's liver and he is now in liver failure. He's been in the ICU for quite some time now, trying to get him stable enough for his bone marrow transplant, but things keep getting worse. They can't do the transplant with his liver failing, and he won't survive without the transplant. The doctors told Megan that she should consider taking him home.

But we aren't ready to give up just yet. We are asking, one last time, for prayers, fasting, even just thoughts on their behalf--whatever you believe, whatever you are willing to do. He's only 24, he's so strong and so young. It doesn't feel right to throw in the towel.

I personally believe in miracles. I believe in the power of prayer. I never intended to use my blog for religious purposes, but I am a person of faith. And I believe in the power of faith--especially when many can join together. We love Megan and Josh so much, and we are hoping and praying that he can get a miracle. That's what it will take at this point.

We love you guys. We are praying for you.

Monday Motivation: Fighter

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

I had a whole post thought out with this quote. About life, about fear, about the different directions our paths take and the trials we often face.

But my thoughts are pretty much centered on Josh and Megan right now. I told you all last week about him having a bone marrow transplant to save his life... well, unfortunately, he ended up so sick he is back in the ICU and the doctors are really struggling to know what to do. It's pretty scary to destroy someone's immune system to do a transplant when they are so sick they can't breathe on their own.

But he is a fighter. He keeps looking fear in the face and then punching it in the nose. Even though some might have given up by now, he is doing the things others think he can't do and continues to fight. We all believe he's going to win--to beat this thing. Despite all the odds stacked against him. Despite fevers so high they don't even register on the thermometer. (Yep, it just said "high." After an ice bath and tylenol it CAME DOWN to 110 degrees F.) He keeps on fighting.

But geez, can the poor guy just get a break?

On a lighter note, kind of makes the thought of hitting "send" on that email to query that agent you've been procrastinating for weeks now look a little bit easier, doesn't it? Yes, you. The one who just glanced guiltily at the tab for their inbox. Do it. Look fear in the face and go for it.

P.S. a recap of LTUE is on the horizon, so watch for that. It was my first time going, and let's just say, it's a weekend I won't be forgetting any time soon.

Friday Four or Five

1. I hear it's snowing a lot around the country. Not here. Nope. It's so spring like here I'm afraid the trees are going to start budding. And then the snow will hit in April or something and when the pools are supposed to open in June, they'll be buried under two feet of snow. Hopefully not. But I'm slightly concerned.

2. Sometimes I set goals for myself that are a little bit crazy. And then I scramble around trying to figure out how to get everything done (because I've set myself up for failure by trying to do too many things at once) and I end up forgetting things like showering or sending a check for lunch money to school with my son or returning my library books. #totalstepfordwifefail (At least they still let him eat lunch, but the library account isn't looking so hot. I could buy a book for the price of all the fines I accrued, dang it.)

3. Today I take Baby Girl in for a repeat echo on her heart. One of the holes she was born with constricted her aorta when it closed. Today they are making sure that corrected itself in the last few months. Fingers are tightly crossed for good news.

4. Miracles exist and my cousin's husband is one of them. He is out of the ICU, he is getting a little bit stronger every day--he IS going to beat this cancer. I just know it. Thank you all SO so much for your prayes and thoughts. He's still got a long road ahead, but I know he can make it.

5. There isn't really anything else that can top that last one. It should be my one and only thought for the day, really. So I'm going to stop now.

What's on your mind today?

Update

For all of my wonderful friends who are fasting and/or praying for Josh and Megan, he is making forward progress!! He responded to her today, squeezing her hand and even giving her a smile. He's also starting to fight the ventilator (which is why his hands are strapped down). We are hoping he will continue to fight back, and get better and better! Meg told us yesterday was one of the worst days of her life. She could barely get out of bed this morning she was so exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Her mom was at the hospital with him early this morning, and couldn't get him to respond to anything (they'd lowered his sedation just slightly to see if he'd respond to commands) -- until she told him she was going to go get Meg. Then he squeezed her hand so tight. That story alone is what got Megan out of bed and rushing to his side.

They love each other so much, and I know that love, and the prayers and the love of all those around them (those who know them and those who are praying for them just because you know some of us who love them) are making all the difference!! Thank you all so much! Please continue to keep them in your thoughts and prayers. It is a VERY long road ahead, but we are grateful today for tender mercies and tiny victories. :) We love you guys!!

A plea

As I have been writing out my goals for the new year, we've had some events happen in our family that really put life in perspective. Some of you may remember these two posts from October about my beautiful cousin and her husband...: I'm gonna love you through it and this one about my race and an update on him.


Things have been up and down ever since. There have been triumphs and setbacks. There have been questions without answers, and hope in the face of discouragement. Holidays have come and gone, and his prognosis has gone up and down. But right now, things are not looking so good.

Right now, Josh is in the highest level of ICU, on a ventilator. He has been getting so SO sick between chemo treatments--extremely high fevers, all sorts of problems, and the doctors have been baffled. Unable to find answers. Today, they finally figured out he has HLH, an extremely rare disease that complicates fighting his cancer even more. He just finished what was supposed to be his last round of chemo a couple of weeks ago, but with this new diagnosis, he must be started on an aggressive 9 week treatment program of chemo and steroids right away. Here's what Megan wrote today:


Josh's heart rate went crazy last night. His lungs are filled with liquid. His body is super swollen from all the liquid that is inside him from meds. He has gained 25-30 pounds in water weight. They put a tube down his throat that will breathe for him. Also they are controlling his blood pressure. He has a feeding tube and a catheter. He has pneumonia. Many have asked what they can do; please pray for my sweet husband. There will be a fast for him from lunch today to lunch tmrw for those who would like to join. My heart is full of gratitude for the prayers and love that have been given to us. I love you Joshua!

Please, if you are willing to, pray for my cousin and her husband. She's been told that they will have to take it day by day, and there are no guarantees right now.

I've been trying to come up with goals about writing, parenting, exercise, finances and more. His only goal right now is to survive. To live. To beat the monster that is cancer. How often do we take for granted the supreme gift of life? To be able to breathe, to run, to play and laugh and sing and LIVE? I know I have.

So, I guess I just want to say to Megan and Josh: We love you guys so much, and we are all praying for you with all of our might and faith. I know miracles happen, and that if it's the Lord's will, you will get yours. <3 <3 I guess that's the hardest part of faith--is accepting the Lord's will. For now, I am determined to believe that His will is for Josh to live. He is a fighter. Josh, we love you!